.008

Today was a nutritional mess, without even any redeeming photos - was with my mom all day, and taking photos of my food in front of her is vaguely embarrassing, in an "exhibiting ostensibly eating disordered behavior?" way. As far as she's concerned, I'm All Better Now. And if she doesn't buy my bullshit, she doesn't mention it.

Breakfast: omelet (2 eggs, 1 white, splash of milk, 1/2 tbsp. butter, spinach, ~1oz. cheddar cheese), pear, coffee w/half'n'half.
Probably at least half got purged when I ate a few pieces of candy later in the morning and then decided it would be a good idea not to digest less than a hundred calories of sugar. Dumbass Exhibit, item A: Me.

Snack: 12oz. latte - with ambiguous milk, despite what cup markings would imply.
I'm probably the only person in Manhattan to get pissed that I'm 99% sure they used skim milk instead of the whole milk I asked for. (Oh the first world problems! Oh the humanity!)

Dinner: 1 1/2 acaraje, "pescado" (red snapper in moqueca), half a caipirinha, half dish of passionfruit mousse.
@the restaurant I work at, with my mom before she left. This was a really nice dinner, eating at work is a whole different experience when I'm there as a customer, and it was nice to be able to pay for us. My family rarely, rarely eats out at restaurants and when I was a kid, on the few occasions we did, my mom would always order a baked potato or something and a cup of hot water. I was nineteen before I saw her order an actual ENTREE in a restaurant, seriously. (n.b.: My mom had anorexia as a teen, but frugality and anxiety re: money is also a large component of how my family functions.) So I enjoyed being able to let her not worry about how "expensive" everything was and just get food that I knew she'd like. I ate some hummus and bell pepper before dinner and purged that, so half of the caipirinha I ordered got me excitable and a little tipsy. I'm basically the world's cheapest drunk under normal circumstances, and post-purging, even more so.
Purged dinner after she left and actually felt guilty. I know some people have moral compunctions around food they will/will not purge but mine degraded a long time ago, so that was unusual. And even when I get stir-crazy when my mom's visiting because that disrupts My Routine, I always get sad and a little maudlin after she leaves. So I kept binge/purging for a couple hours (feelings? ugh!)

Snack: a few sips of wine.
While trying to write this entry. Can this count as a fruit serving?

2am snack: 1/2 apple, peanut butter.