Breakfast: omelet (2 eggs, 1/2 tbsp. butter, splash of milk, spinach, little bit of cheddar cheese, hot sauce), apple, coffee.
Lunch: roast beef, ~1/4 cup walnuts, arugula, balsamic dressing (vinegar, mustard, garlic, olive oil), salsa. I just realized that since I started this two days ago, I've been a) keeping down more than one meal a day and b) not hugely bloated despite eating lots of fruits and vegetables! which I previously thought was an impossibility. !! Also feeling a lot calmer about eating - the end of the day (i.e. after 4pm or so) is still difficult; that's when I start automatically tallying calories in my head and have more trouble discerning whether I'm hungry? full? neither? and I get tired and anxious and asjdfkasdhgbhdfvdfkPUKENOWPLZ.
Most eating disorder recovery/food blogs I read talk about more than food and exercise - what they call "processing" in treatment-jargon. I don't have any interest in doing that at the moment; I quit my therapist/nutritionist a few years ago after I got out of IOP after my second time in residential because I was just so sick of focusing on it and talking about it when talking didn't change anything. I've always talked a good game in my treatment then gone off and done exactly the same as before - see both stints in residential (2007, 2008) where by the end of my insurance-allotted five/six weeks I was truly believing myself "recovered" even as I was continuing to purge on a multiple-times-daily basis, concealing that fact from my team. It just didn't seem terribly important at the time; I was doing so much better than before, what does it matter? I was no longer emaciated, avoiding everyone, measuring my 'breakfast' of cottage cheese by single tablespoon, having panic attacks, spending $50+ a day on food only to purge it immediately, spending my nights obsessively cleaning/weighing/showering/changing clothes over and over instead of sleeping. So by comparison, I was practically all cured, right?
In retrospect, that's some bullshit.
Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is, I don't want to make this blog seem like a short-sighted attempt to attain recovery by just following a new diet - that was actually one of the things that made me really resistant to Paleo, was its claim that it could cure anorexia and bulimia (among various other diseases). I don't believe that for a second, and I don't expect it to. The food is a piece of it - a significant piece, and probably the most basic (Maslow's Hierarchy, anyone?) - but only a piece nevertheless. I may not talk about it on this blog (because it doesn't lend itself to pretty pictures?) but that doesn't mean I'm trying to delude myself or anyone into thinking that eating a certain way is the complete answer.
(b/p - everything after 5pm was FAIL.)
Snack: ~few bites of chicken, mini box of raisins.
At 2am, while trying to sleep after aforementioned Evening of Fail, I got really hungry and ate some chicken from the curry I made for dinner and what might be The World's Tiniest Box of Raisins.
this is oatmeal shrapnel from livejournal.
ReplyDeletemy bf subscribes to the paleo diet. he's been doing it for 8 years, and is pretty certain that i can cure my eating disorder through it. my nutritionist is skeptical and i get pissed off when he pushes it on me, because picking at bread is actually a safe food for me. but it does make a lot of sense when one breaks it down, evolutionarily speaking. and it works for satiety and nutritional balance. i would just be careful of getting enough calories in.
hm...
When I was doing CrossFit, people were always trying to push Paleo on me and my roommate and it was SO ANNOYING, so I know what you mean. No one tells me what to eat and lives!! (She still derives great joy from telling them about all the pie and pasta she's eating and then setting new lifting PRs.)
ReplyDeleteBread's been one of my 'safe' foods for...wow, about two years now, since residential cured me of my carb-phobia. I'll definitely go back to eating it eventually (and I'm really looking forward to eating beans & rice at work on the weekends!)
I don't know if I believe all the evolutionary etc. arguments for Paleo, but not living off of Clif bars, caffeine and sugar is definitely helping to curb b/p urges. That may just be due to the fact that I'm eating a lot more in general now, but maybe all that insulin-production bullshit has something to do with it...;)